In my mind, I am an expert compartmentalizer. I believe the compartments need constant improvement and modification. I suppose the fact that my compartments are always in need of improvement could prove that I am actually not very good at it. Either way, it’s my process and it’s gotten me this far so how bad could it be?
It’s January 2nd. I have a day off and over the last week I have done everything from the necessary chores, worked, vegged out, and hung with family; it’s time to let the introspection and examination begin.
Simplification
One of the most impactful lessons I’ve learned this year is that I operate better within simple, high-level systems rather than granular ones. For example, I have had success this year by simplifying the types of services I offer, rearranging my project management to just a few categories, and together with Lisa we’ve rethought how we organize the house. None of those tactics have reduced the number of tasks, responsibilities, or the amount of pressure, but they have reduced my project management application to a fundamental task list with only a few tags and buckets to lord over. For years I thought the more granular the system the easier understand the context of each thing I needed to do resulting in categories nested inside of categories, nested inside a series of higher-level buckets. It used to take hours per week to manage it all. Now it takes less than an hour and I am more aware of what I need to do than ever.
No News is Good News
One of the more life-altering things I have been experimenting with over the last few years is avoiding the news. I would get so worked up reading and watching local, conservative and liberal news, it was exhausting. Politics aside, the over-dramatic, purposely dark, or frightening presentations of what news outlets would have you believe to be the most important events of the day, week, month, or year, are merely the most likely to get people riled up. When you add in an unreasonable focus on a uber-polarized presentation of politics – it’s a wonder people can work up the courage to leave their houses.
One of the more challenging things about being a middle-of-the-roader (hating all politicians and the idea that one side is ever right or even more right/less wrong than the other side) is having to debunk bullshit from both sides. I suppose that’s an unconscious reason people find comfort in being welded to one political party over another – it is less taxing than having to consider other sides of a story. I found an even less cumbersome way – pay no attention. The time saved and the reduction of stress without any negative ramifications whatsoever has been liberating and impactful, to say the least. Colors are brighter, food tastes better, love is sweeter – life, without the news, is good.
The Family You Can’t Choose
I learned a lot about my family in 2022. I have always been comfortable with our brand of fuckedupedness where although we have the same amount of baggage as most families we’re constantly crafting stories that “prove” how we’ve been more wronged by common challenges like divorce, change, health, and personality clashes, than anyone in history. We’re like everyone else in another way. The yin of our war stories is yanged with self-conforming “proof” of our undeniable ability to overcome, excel, and even knock life’s curveballs out of the park. Despite the skewed, self-centered view of our existence, I learned that we are tough. Just when you think some speed bump will knock us permanently out of whack, it turns out we’re pretty durable. Wrinkles like health issues, COVID, and age don’t derail us like we think they will, they make us stronger.
You Can Teach an Old Dog New Tricks
In 2022 I started a new business venture. I set my business of 20 years aside to pursue it. Early in 2023, we should find out whether it was worth it or not. It has been a roller coaster ride, and like anything else, it’s taking longer to get off the ground than early excitement would allow you to believe. I have had to rebuild my business web180 to bridge the gap. Had I been smarter I would have split my time more effectively and wound one business down whilst starting the other. It excites me so much it is difficult to not dive in and dream about and work toward its potential.
I have never taken on a partner but the new venture lead me to call on a client I have known for many years. Initially, I intended to work with him in a mutually beneficial way because he was flush with relationships that seemed suited for the new venture. He called me back fifteen minutes after my initial pitch and wanted in. I know him to be a good man and he had resources that I didn’t. We worked through the formation of a company and continually plow through the challenges. It has been amazing to work with another person who is not defeated by challenges.
Good things are coming.
The Family I Do Choose
The most profound learning from 2022 was relearning or learning more deeply rather than a simple life lesson. The learning: I adore the family I chose. As tough and frustrating as a family can be at any given moment, it takes just a second of standing back and looking at each character, to understand how lucky I am. They are a source of love, joy, and laughter that might be impossible to describe.
My nuclear family consists of three dogs, Bella, Spencer, and Lucky, and one woman, Lisa. Whenever I have a minute to step back I thank my lucky stars that this unlikely group of characters found each other.
BELLA
A little over a year ago we added a third dog, Bella to our clan. Two dogs were probably enough responsibility but we decided to add a puppy to the equation. Our now 13-year-old Cockapoo, and now 10-year-old Golden Doodle, Spencer probably wish they had some say in the decision but they failed to articulate any objections. So, Bella became the fifth member of the pack and brought with her an energy that is as endlessly entertaining as it is annoying at 2 A.M.
We knew about Bella’s medical condition, ectopic ureters when we adopted her but were assured that a procedure she had would all but solve the issue. For the first four months of her life, she didn’t pee like normal dogs, the urine would simply leak out of her. The way it was explained to us is she probably never even knew she had to pee. Before we adopted her, the rescue outfit that rescued her from a breeder that was no longer able to manage new litters, thought they would have to put her down but tried a medical procedure to reattach the bladder. The procedure was seemingly successful but she was still experiencing some incontinence and was prone to peeing while she slept. Further complications as we learned were frequent UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections), which we attempted to control through a vulvaplasty procedure. After cleaning up countless “accidents” and giving more dog baths than I care to think of, Bella is pure joy and rarely has accidents or UTIs anymore. Through it all, she was unshakably happy and handled everything like a champ. I have never experienced a sweeter, happier, more playful, or athletic dog in my life. She can be mischievous and a bit of a handful, but she is an undeniably huge part of our family.
LUCKY
Our oldest dog Lucky remains the ruler of the house. Spencer (80 lbs.) and Bella (55 lbs.) bow to his bigger-than-life 13 lbs presence that rules the other dogs with an iron paw and curled lip. He is a sweetheart and a certified therapy dog. He is awesome with all people including kids. He cuddles whenever there is an opportunity and prefers laying in the sun during the day.
Lucky likes peace and order and when there’s too much activity he finds a quiet place and enjoys his solitude – unless there is food around – then he tunes out the chaos and focuses solely on what crumbs might fall to the floor.
When the big dogs wrestle and play, Lucky can shut things down just by being in the room. A bark, a snarl, or a lunging nip to the ear shuts it down. He commands respect and both dogs, 3 to 4 times his size, never challenge him.
SPENCER
Spencer is our big dog and has become my favorite dog of all time. That’s really saying something because we have had some great dogs. Spencer is different. He is not the most classically attractive Doodle and he’s got wooly fur, unlike Bella’s cashmere-like coat. He can be a grump and a loner. He can be the sweetest and neediest while being a tolerant and great alpha that Bella and Lucky love. In fact, Bella idolizes him, and as overwhelming and annoying as she can be constantly trying to engage him, he handles it like an ideal big brother. All of his complexities and contradictions make him my favorite. Minus the alpha part, he reminds me of me. I get Spencer and I think he gets me.
LISA
In the spirit of saving the best for last, the most important member of my family – Lisa – has been my best friend from the beginning of our relationship. In fact, she’s the best friend I have ever had. As challenging as relationships can be, and as we approach year 11, I can say without hesitation, Lisa is a better partner and friend today than she was at any point in the past. I am not afflicted with false modesty when I say I am a less-than-stellar partner. I probably wouldn’t tolerate me. Yet, despite my decline in awesomeness, Lisa continually becomes an even better partner. Not only does she effortlessly step it up as needed, she rarely, if ever, purposely reminds me of my growing list of shortcomings.
2023 is the year I pay her back and concentrate on being a better partner and a better friend.
I love my family!
